Much has changed since I last posted. In fact, I don't recall what I've written thus far. What I do know is how much I have changed and how much my life has changed in these last five to six years!
I'll have to write about all that later because I wanted to share just this one thing:
I've started catching myself in the midst of silent rants in my head and then switching to prayer!
It's a huge step for me and it's a profound change, never mind the effects.
I had just been going on and on in my head about how tired I was and I caught myself. I decided to pray instead and be thankful for all I do have and for what is to come, including the energy I need to study effectively for my test tomorrow.
Woo!
Monday, March 23, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2009
Day 3 - *insert crickets here*
I admit, the only thing I've done today in regards to learning about Christianity has been to listen to Air1 Radio. This is nice enough, but not quite what I had in mind. Remember how I was going to go to their website the other day? I did, but the spiritual coaches were all busy and I didn't want to leave a message for them to get back to.
Yesterday I met a Christian friend during her lunch break from work. We read a few verses from the various bibles she keeps in her car and purse. The different translations make for interesting reading. Some are very casual and conversational, while others are more traditional. I'm used to the more traditional versions. I have a King James Version and a New International Version.
What is your favorite translation of the Bible?
Yesterday I met a Christian friend during her lunch break from work. We read a few verses from the various bibles she keeps in her car and purse. The different translations make for interesting reading. Some are very casual and conversational, while others are more traditional. I'm used to the more traditional versions. I have a King James Version and a New International Version.
What is your favorite translation of the Bible?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Day 2 - The Story of the Missionaries
Today I ran into the missionaries again, after about a month and a half or so. The last time I saw them, Elder B. (pictured with me back in March) and Elder G. came to my door. I hadn't talked with them since before Elder G. took the place of the other Elder B. It had been a month or so at that point. I assumed they came to the door to see how I was doing with my decidion on becoming a member of the LDS church. They were cordial (as always) and Elder B. told me they respected my decision to not become a member of their church at that time.
It was a strange feeling to finally let them know of my decision. I had been meeting with both Elder B.'s from March through most of April. They did very well in teaching me the beliefs of the church and were also very kind in talking with me about the happenings of my life and the problems I was facing. They helped me and my dad out at a very challenging time as well. I will always be grateful that they were sent into my life.
I was very serious and sincere in my learning about the church. I attended services three or four times and met at the H.'s house several times. (The H. family was very nice and hospitable and I enjoyed going to their place.) I even got to the point where I had the baptismal interview and passed! That's when I realized I needed a break to sort out what I really believed. I got really scared that I was getting into something that I really didn't have my heart fully into. At the time of the interview, I thought I believed the things they asked me, and I was honest about the parts I was confused about, but afterwords I realized that I had been pulled in too quickly. Faith, in my case, takes time.
I find it interesting that I would run into them at this point... right as I'm starting my explorations of "regular" Christianity. I have some thank you cards to give to the Elders and the H. family. The Elders said to call and they will come over to pick the things up.
Like I said, I will always be thankful for their appearance in my life. Had they not been a part of my life, I don't think I'd be exploring Christianity at this point and that would be sad.
It was a strange feeling to finally let them know of my decision. I had been meeting with both Elder B.'s from March through most of April. They did very well in teaching me the beliefs of the church and were also very kind in talking with me about the happenings of my life and the problems I was facing. They helped me and my dad out at a very challenging time as well. I will always be grateful that they were sent into my life.
I was very serious and sincere in my learning about the church. I attended services three or four times and met at the H.'s house several times. (The H. family was very nice and hospitable and I enjoyed going to their place.) I even got to the point where I had the baptismal interview and passed! That's when I realized I needed a break to sort out what I really believed. I got really scared that I was getting into something that I really didn't have my heart fully into. At the time of the interview, I thought I believed the things they asked me, and I was honest about the parts I was confused about, but afterwords I realized that I had been pulled in too quickly. Faith, in my case, takes time.
I find it interesting that I would run into them at this point... right as I'm starting my explorations of "regular" Christianity. I have some thank you cards to give to the Elders and the H. family. The Elders said to call and they will come over to pick the things up.
Like I said, I will always be thankful for their appearance in my life. Had they not been a part of my life, I don't think I'd be exploring Christianity at this point and that would be sad.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Day 1 - BAM!
Just like Emeril Lagasse hits his food with flavor, I got hit with God!
Let me just say... WHOA.
First though, earlier today I was talking with my dad about Christianity. His understanding of the term "Christian" is that it literally means "Christ-like." That sounded perfectly fine with me. I agreed with it. I liked that it meant love and service for all.
Later, I was exploring the website for a local church. I've been there a few times (2-3) over the last 10 years. It's what I would call a mini-mega-church. I think their website said they have about 6,500 attendees every weekend, combining the attendance at all of their physical sites (they have several satellite locations away from the main "campus"). I clicked on a link that took me to the July 11-12th sermon. I looked over the notes, but did not click to listen to the audio. It was a part of a series on "How the Good Go Bad" or something like that. There was another link that took me to the list of topics in the series.
One topic in particular caught my eye. "Cain's Homemade Religion" was the name of it. I was curious enough to click on the link and read the notes. Then I decided, after reading some of the scripture that went with the notes, that I needed to hear the sermon to really "get it."
There were 7 parts to the recording and I clicked on the 5th part because it was the most seemingly-relevant to me. It had to do with what God wants from us now. So I listened through part 5 all the way to the end of part 7. It was all very interesting to hear. God likes it if we do good deeds and have good morals. Sure, don't we all? Well, some people, like me, think that those things can be enough to get into the good graces of God. NOT SO. (By good graces I mean eternal life.) Being sincere and having good theology are also nice things, but NOT "IT." Being obedient and not performing rituals - right on! However, NOT what it takes. So, what does it take?
John 14:6
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt truly unworthy and disheartened that all the good I have been and done is not enough. How instantaneously sad and confused I felt.
I went with the feelings and continued listening to the recording. Next came the prayer. (Being the skeptic that I am, I feel these sermons are SO carefully crafted, intended to have the biggest emotional impact on the listener possible. It only makes sense.) It got me, too. It was basically a call to give your life to Jesus. There I was, listening along, yet not closing my eyes and bowing my head like the pastor had asked. I was staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering to myself, "Is this really IT? Is this one thing, THE one thing?" I felt pulled in the direction of YES! But I still resist(ed). I said the prayer with the pastor. I felt my heart cry out. I want to know the truth. "How can I know?" I wondered. The prayer ended and I felt as confused and longed for the truth.
I decided to listen to the beginning of the sermon, just so I had the whole story. I had not yet heard about Cain.
The story of Cain and his offering and subsequent actions is one I had heard before, though not in the sort of detail I heard tonight. I still don't "get it" completely, but it was good to have heard. I did not know about Seth's line vs. Cain's line in Biblical history.
Anyway, I'm here now, over an hour later wondering what to do, what I've done.
I said the prayer in my mind with the pastor. Yet it felt really selfish. So it seems to me I am not ready. If I "give myself" to Jesus because I am afraid of what happens if I don't, that's selfish, right? I do believe I need to chat with someone about this. Air1.com here I come!
Let me just say... WHOA.
First though, earlier today I was talking with my dad about Christianity. His understanding of the term "Christian" is that it literally means "Christ-like." That sounded perfectly fine with me. I agreed with it. I liked that it meant love and service for all.
Later, I was exploring the website for a local church. I've been there a few times (2-3) over the last 10 years. It's what I would call a mini-mega-church. I think their website said they have about 6,500 attendees every weekend, combining the attendance at all of their physical sites (they have several satellite locations away from the main "campus"). I clicked on a link that took me to the July 11-12th sermon. I looked over the notes, but did not click to listen to the audio. It was a part of a series on "How the Good Go Bad" or something like that. There was another link that took me to the list of topics in the series.
One topic in particular caught my eye. "Cain's Homemade Religion" was the name of it. I was curious enough to click on the link and read the notes. Then I decided, after reading some of the scripture that went with the notes, that I needed to hear the sermon to really "get it."
There were 7 parts to the recording and I clicked on the 5th part because it was the most seemingly-relevant to me. It had to do with what God wants from us now. So I listened through part 5 all the way to the end of part 7. It was all very interesting to hear. God likes it if we do good deeds and have good morals. Sure, don't we all? Well, some people, like me, think that those things can be enough to get into the good graces of God. NOT SO. (By good graces I mean eternal life.) Being sincere and having good theology are also nice things, but NOT "IT." Being obedient and not performing rituals - right on! However, NOT what it takes. So, what does it take?
John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. [NIV]
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt truly unworthy and disheartened that all the good I have been and done is not enough. How instantaneously sad and confused I felt.
I went with the feelings and continued listening to the recording. Next came the prayer. (Being the skeptic that I am, I feel these sermons are SO carefully crafted, intended to have the biggest emotional impact on the listener possible. It only makes sense.) It got me, too. It was basically a call to give your life to Jesus. There I was, listening along, yet not closing my eyes and bowing my head like the pastor had asked. I was staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering to myself, "Is this really IT? Is this one thing, THE one thing?" I felt pulled in the direction of YES! But I still resist(ed). I said the prayer with the pastor. I felt my heart cry out. I want to know the truth. "How can I know?" I wondered. The prayer ended and I felt as confused and longed for the truth.
I decided to listen to the beginning of the sermon, just so I had the whole story. I had not yet heard about Cain.
The story of Cain and his offering and subsequent actions is one I had heard before, though not in the sort of detail I heard tonight. I still don't "get it" completely, but it was good to have heard. I did not know about Seth's line vs. Cain's line in Biblical history.
Anyway, I'm here now, over an hour later wondering what to do, what I've done.
I said the prayer in my mind with the pastor. Yet it felt really selfish. So it seems to me I am not ready. If I "give myself" to Jesus because I am afraid of what happens if I don't, that's selfish, right? I do believe I need to chat with someone about this. Air1.com here I come!
In the beginning...
Here it is, the beginning of the documentation of my explorations into Christianity.
Yesterday I talked with a fellow named Ben who is heavily involved in Christian Science. I talked to him because recently I have attended a Religious Science church and I thought Christian Science would be a good bridge between "regular" Christianity and Religious Science. I left the conversation confused about Christian Science beliefs, but ultimately with the thought that each person has their own belief system and it is not exactly the same as anyone else's. That makes me wonder how so many people can call themselves "Christian." What are the beliefs that tie Christians together?
I would call myself Christian, and sometimes do, even though I do not believe many of the mainstream beliefs about Jesus (that may change... who am I to say?), those mainstream beliefs being that He is the son of God, that He died on the cross for our sins, and who knows what else. I do believe that we should practice His love for others and His service for others. I would call those things His "essence." That opinion is based on vague memories of stories I've heard throughout my life.
I have not studied the Bible, though I have two with which to work. I figure it would be good to read some of the New Testament to really learn what people are saying He said and did. Wow, after that it is apparent to me I have a long way to go to believing. I guess I don't even believe the Bible is necessarily true.
I don't know where this exploration will take me in terms of my own beliefs. I will go into more detail on my past experiences and current beliefs later. I'm very curious as to where this will lead me.
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